What about
So it's Monday, 19:45 as I start to write here, and I still got no call from my potential employers. In my mind, that concludes that I fkd up somewhere, so they won't see me as a good option, and just pick someone else. At this point, I'm not that much surprised, as I'm pretty much used to be a food for "bigger fish" in some metaphorical sense. As the time goes by, I am more and more concerned about some weird life direction choices I've made (if I ever did) and where it leads me, even in strict practical view, not just that poetry stuff.
...As I find myself deeply involved in my sad "reflectionism" just once again, it's no big deal I end up reading, or watching, or tuning to someone else's blog/podcast. Now, with the previous post I had published just about few days ago, the blog I decided to check is, of course, the hidden experience by Mike Clelland. Now, it's already been kind of weird to begin with, because... *here I'm stuck, due to I don't really know how to describe what's going on so that it would be comprehensible* Let's put it like this (I'm kind of stealing the approach, but that's basically one of the things everyone has to pass through while trying to write something, generally):
- Despite all the "pre-existing" mythology and controversity around owls in general, it was something new to me to see "owls", "UFO" and "syncronicity" in one same topic. That's why I was attracted there in the 1st place.
- Even if I would have to exclude as much subjective background as I could, I'm still stuck with some sort of feeling that the stuff I've just stumbled upon has something to do with my life. Even though I'm ACTUALLY living in another part of the world, was born into speaking another language, and basically not much into making any kind of research.
- Now, if I, on the other hand, turn on all of kinds of syncronicty events (big and small) into these last couple of days, there's just wa-a-a-a-y too much to ignore. It starts off with David Bowie, follows up with blogs and trying to make sense of something not that much easily described with words. But more on that later.
I'd like to, again, try to look objective and sh~t, but it's a damn hard job to pull through, to be honest. First of all, whilst speaking of all the kinds of esoterical, mystical themes, you often feel a bit embarassed in a way, because at some angle it would make no sense at all. Hell, I sometimes wonder if I could end up in some sort of mental institution one day, just by the fact I'm into this stuff, time after time. You could blame my unoccupied state, and for that I would agree with you. Indeed, if I was working my S off 12 hours a day, I would have close to none time to sit around PC, blogging. But at the same time, I know I can't alter myself with this need to embrace the "spooky stuff" and basically just reflect on how things are going down with my concept of "me". But that just feels like I now have said too much, but haven't said enough.
So... what was it?
I was reading that blog. And yeah, I did stumble upon quite a LOT of interesting things, and I can easily relate to them. And, by the matter of fact, I can't just sit there in my room and keep myself shut, because there's an urge to share what I think and feel, here. I'd like to begin with some things that are popping out right away in my field of view, for starters. I'll try to divide my "inspections", so the whole thing won't end up as messy as I know it would get without any editing. And without further ado, let me dive into this.
OK, first. Back to Friday, soon after I first encountered that video on utub and, basically, re-discovered that weird feeling of finding "meaningful coincedences", I was also watching some other, umm, "unrelated" stuff. That were, mostly, top-10 listings, various in nature, by utub channel WutchModjo.com /*why do I need to alter the names of known media hosts or interweb shows? no idea*/. What's interesting here, is that while most of these had fairly different subject matter, they often featured same content.
Example is when I was watching, let's say, "top-10 movies to watch high" /*why the f*** I need to watch this, anyway?*/ and later on I would watch "top-10 something else I forgot what sorry movies" there gonna be a movie from certain director, and, basically, the same footage used. Here I must make a quick detour, and say: YES, there are things implemented into utub such as "related videos", or playlists, and so on, but eventually it's my hand and my head that decide what buttons will be pushed (or at least it's what I have got to believe). So, long story short, I've encountered on multiple occasions: films by Kubrick (no surprise here, I guess); films about altered states of consciousness (f*** that sh~t, almost dropped my jaw); "Labyrinth" movie with David Bowie having one of the central roles; and, also, some "weird movies", which is a complete mindf**k, although certain movies I watched myself and knew from the start fairly well (e.g. "Eraserhead" by D. Lynch).
With all that being said, let's return back to me reading the given blog. What do you think crossed my mind, as soon as I stumbled upon topics such as "David Bowie, owls and Labyrinth" and a whole post reffering to "2001: a space oddysey" and also "Planet of the Apes"?
...I also was a bit plagued by David Cronenberg's works while sitting idle and watching utub. I'm actually pretty much glad I haven't encountered ANYTHING related to this... yet. Ha. In fact, the film that popped up the most frequent (after "The Fly") was "The Naked Lunch", which is based upon a book by William S. Burroughs who I knew before from another book by RAW. Ugh... Not exactly sure why I had to write this down, but I'm assuming it got something to do wih that nasty typewriter "machine" from the movie... Oh, and also I suddenly revealed for myself a connection between this and official videoclip for Centipede track by Knife Party. Ha.
TOO MUCH TEXT!!!
I just briefly overlooked what I've put down on this page so far. Oh sh~t, never thought I'd be this much "talkative". I mean, I'm kinda used to write a lot of letters and stuff, but I rarely have this much excitement for it. Before I lose it completely and start putting things entirely messed up, so noone (even myself, in the future) would possibly see any kind of relation, I'll have to quickly make some sort of summary here. Why and when and how all of this started. And I'm talking just about recent events here, not mentioning my "23 obsession" or anything like this.
So, it kickstarted with the year 2015, for some reason, and, more precisely, with the release of MGSV:TPP. From there, I almost immediately tuned into some Bowie music, because the prologue sequence soundtrack is actually a cover of one of the Bowie's songs by Midge Ure. At that point of time, I knew little of David Bowie. I only knew his name was already legendary; personally, only knew his song "I'm deranged" from, again, an intro sequence in "Lost Highway". Also, the song "I'm afraid of americans", and maybe that concludes it, because - funny or not - I never did quite knew how Space Oddity sounds. Yeah.
Then, after me digging stuff on webs, trying to fill my empty knowledge base space with some Bowie music, I see a suggested video on utub called "Blackstar" and, of course, I dive right into. Shortly after - news of Bowie's passing. Now, that made me be quite shocked, because, from my perspective, this was completely out of nowhere and it haunted me, because in some sort of weird way I felt guilty (why the f***, noone knows).
I was also fired from my job about the same time period, because "the company's policy changed and we had to decrease staff numbers" or somesh~t. I entered this fkn "unemployed" state while I actually had quite a lot of plans and all just breaks apart as I will now have to find a new job, get used to it, get familiar with my financial situation again, etc etc etc. And instead of quickly pulling sh~t together, I just sat down and played a f**kload of videogames and watched a lot of utub vids. From there, eventually, saw that Bowie was inspiration behind many of Hideo Kojima's decisions in MGS franchise. That was still quite a surprise, all the while I COULD have knew it already, except for I DID NOT.
And not that long ago, I sent an e-mail and had a call back shortly following about that job offer, I went there, had some routine, not really feeling convincing enough, maybe, and got home in the evening. What I did next? Another load of random utub serfing that ends with what it ends, I got previous post all about it. My mind tickled with some weird connections I never could've figured. Apart from famous Twin Peaks imagery, I never thought anything special about owls. Even no Harry Potter stuff, because it wasn't something interesting for me all these years. And now I see someone doing a research on such weird stuff as ET contacts and it's close relation to owl sightings. Interesting... And the very few days later, I see "David Bowie, owls and Labyrinth" as some kind of conclusion and a good reason to stop, and try to think: what it all means?
Pause
Well. If I understand anything from my 23 years (from which I can't remember my whole time but some general "plot twists") now on this planet, then it's that the "reality" heavily depends on the observer. Some events will be rather unnoticable for one person while gigantic for someone else. This is why it pains me so much, because that would eventually lead you to understanding that nothing is "true". Whatever way of thinking I chose, I can theoretically explain same things with some other way of thinking. I've talked about this issue way too many times and I start to be bored with it, in fact.
There are times, however, when all of this "controversity" magically dismisses itself, leaving me with a rather unnatural feeling which I can't precisely describe, but everything feels like it was orchestrated NOT BY MYSELF. Me, learning english language /*there's plenty to work on, though*/, going to one of the largest universities of my city for the - none other - psychology faculty, listening to Assemblage 23, playing Metal Gear Solid, speaking with people from other parts of the world thanks to globalization and interweb, having a blog, having a twitta account, etc... Without all of that (and many other things I'm pushing myself to skip now, because the post is way too large already), none of the events I stated above in this post would make any sense or any value to notice. But being the person I am now, for the bad or for the good, it just shines so much I can't get my eyes off.
Until next time!
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