Hi there. /*This post probably will beat the record and become the largest and longest post in this whole blog to the date.*/
Wow, it's been just one day since the last entry.
Something bothered me, so I just (like many times) end up here doing those silly typos in the blog I created. Well, I guess there is some kind of reason behind that, I am just not sure what that is. Some part of me tells that it's just plainly b*tching of a pretty dissatisfied and unhappy man who can't get on his feet. On the other hand, there's a part of me that says it's something bigger than just egocentric poetry.
I am going to write down yet another "strange story", alright?
Since my childhood (and it's almost an estabilished fact that everything that happened in early years will shape your life to the very end of it, and it won't change all that much, no matter how hard you try to reconsider it) I've been kind of fascinated by the word "Arizona". To the time, I did not even know for sure what that meant, it was just a word on my clothes that were apparently from "second hand" /*or maybe I'm making this up, shoulda ask my mom*/. I had two "suits" which were, basically, a pair of cloth pants and long-sleeve shirts, that were identical in shape and size but different in color (one suit was orange the other was brown or something like that). I think I might still have a picture of that somewhere in old albums, I'll look it up later and maybe update the post to show it.
So, those longsleeve shirts had that graphic on the chest with the word "Arizona", and a cactus and a mountain to somehow portray the state's gorgeous nature. Now, in my mind, it was not affiliated with anything, again. I knew it was in the US and I later discovered it's actually a state. I think I was about 6-7 years old back then, can't be 100% sure. At the same time period, I had that game I played that was about some shady characters which appeared to be, in my mind, some kind of paramilitary force or secret society or something. The lead character was named "A+" [eɪ plʌs].
Now, this is not anything I'm making up. It's all been there. I am aware I can draw some extras when speaking about my past, but I'm pushing myself hard to reduce this effect as much as possible. I think there could be still some notes I drew back then about A+ and his fellows and their adventures in old notebooks that are stored somewhere in my house. You see, back in time I was a kid, there haven't been a fancy "play station" with games that someone else made for ya, so you had to imagine your own games to play. I had a limited set of action figures as well, so basically I just dreamed about those heroes and made them up in my mind.
Games, huh?
Practically, the last couple of years, most of my time I play videogames. It's a sorry sight for someone, but me, myself, feel pretty confident and well about that. From my perspective, it's like having your own library where you could just sit and read all those peoples' thoughts and ideas. Better than that, in fact -- you can pretend you're that character and fully immerse in his/her story. Now that's something different apart from playing with toys back in your childhood, yeah? /*that was sarcasm*/. The current technologies even urge to take it further, with all these VR devices we see in production now. But I'm not going deep into discussing that right now. Back to this day's "strange story"...
...Just a few days ago, I re-discovered an artist (a musician) on utub. Her stage name is MØ . Why I say "re-discovered", is that because I already stumbled upon her songs before on utub, but did not pay any attention all that much. Later on, I got kind of "hooked up" by that videoclip for the song "Walk This Way". First time I saw it, it was from a different utub channel, not from the one that is MOMOMOYOUTH one, ok? Now, I liked the girl, I liked those songs, the music and the lyrics, on and on. I even talked with my friend who lives in Denmark if he heard anything about her, and he replied with "No". I was surprised a little, but, anyway, he admitted she sounds danish. Ha.
Now, if you'd read my previous posts, you'd already know I had some weird experiences with utub content. It's no different from the story I'm telling right now. If you look up my views history for last coupl'a hours, there gonna be those YTPs, songs by MØ, a few songs by Korn, a few songs by Die Antwoord, then some stuff related to Metal Gear series, some YTPs again, then - I feel a bit ashamed for this one - the final showdown with Ashoka and Anakin from Rebels season 2 last episode video, and then there's that last one. It got pretty mixed up, BUT there was literally NOTHING tied to Arizona. I did not type it in search bar, I did not click any videos about United States in general. So let's proceed further.
...a short detour to connect another piece of the puzzle
Wanna know why I even watched that "season finale" of Rebels in the first place, and moreso why I feel shame for it? /*I know you don't, but... c'mon!*/ There is a girl in my friends list on Steam who is into SW universe and not afraid to show it up in the activity feed. So, in some way, it was her who drew my attention to this specific scene /*no spoilers, though*/. Of course, I knew about that scene from before, because Dizzney does its best at advertising, so it's kinda hard to miss. I wanted to watch it in a chronological order, though. And, basically, I do not watch any TV shows online, bcoz they are made for TV... Friends call me lame. I don't care all that much. I know I'm weird, so why bother? Hehe. So, I kind of forced myself to watch that scene, 'cause I was curious AF.
...But Star Wars is not the reason I brought that up. Well, not the only reason, to be correct. That girl on Steam I talked about, guess where she lives? Well, yeah: Arizona. And I did not really saw this on her profile before. I think I might have seen it, but did I care? Not really. I guess people often don't care that I am from Saint-Petersburg, Russia, at this point. But, of course, at that moment, it was somewhat insightful: "I should ask that person about life in Arizona!". The moment that thought sparkled in the black room of my mind, I discovered that her Steam profile says "Offline". I tried to guess if it's just a profile status rather than she actually turned off her computer (why not, huh?), but na-ah.
...So, she's a female in Arizona. She's also an artist. These two facts were just enough to attract my interest, because it's "strangely coincedential", in a way. You'll understand that later. I can't say about her more because: 1)I don't really know her all that much; 2)I kinda guess she won't appreciate that I will talk like that w/o any permission; 3)Already said too much. However, in this modern era, you can't actually... well... hide from the world. It's just hardly possible for a mere human. I mean, unless you're a superman who can fly away to the moon in a split second. See? But, yeah, enough, already.
We're almost done with the setup. Hang on...
...as it's easy to discover, I'm a big fan of MGSV:TPP. Now, I already hate the word "fan" because of some mr. fancy pants's utub comments on that David Hayter video, but it's a whole different story and I'm not going into details here, except for that I was feeling kind of conflicted, as I just really can't see why people are so pre-determined. That includes, but not limitates to, myself. OK, let's just return to that coincedence talk.
At this night, I was playing MGSV:TPP whilst simultaniously listening to a podcast I downloaded from Mike Clelland's blog. I downloaded two audio files, in fact. And it was a while ago. It's a fancy feature to listen to any MP3 files through the in-game device that is called iDroid /*Quick note: there's a whole bunch of guys who b!tch about how cassette tapes are worse than Codec conversations, well - guess what? - f@&k those guys. Both cassette tapes AND Codec conversations are good for their respective games, CHEW IT UP GOD DAMN YOU!*/.
So, those podcasts I was listening to at that night (because I do it for about a month or two, though not regularly) were an interview with Jeffrey J. Kripal, and a conversation with Kim Carlsberg. Let's just point that straight up: I picked these audio files not because I knew exactly the contents of it or because I "knew the guy". Most of the time, I pick those audios at rather random order. Not a strictly specific order based on it's contents, however - because I just don't know exactly what these people are gonna talk about.
I keep on writing one story, though it gets pretty disconnected, huh?
Imagine my surprise when in the first podcast folks started to talk about comic books. Especially if you take my previous post into account AND that "Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice" was released just about a week ago. Pretty much "rings a bell", for me! ...In retrospective, it doesn't look all that much "wierdly coincedential" or just plainly "strange", bcoz comic books, as it is, are just solitary a very much controversial phenomena. You have those movies, and cartoons, and TV shows (like Gotham), so... yeah. No big deal Mike inserted that "60s Batman theme" in the end of the podcast, huh?
After the end of the first one, I tuned in the other podcast. Here it goes a bit tricky, because I didn't get to the end of that second podcast. And the events that happened in the game (I was playing MGSV:TPP all along, you remember?) such as me bumping into soviet soldiers and alarming the entire enemy force, did not contribute well into listening to the conversation with those continious gunshots and radio talk between CP and HQ. That being said, I haven't heard the second one clearly enough. I did hear, however, the word "Sedona". Now, I comprehend it's a physical location situated somewhere in Arizona. At the time, I didn't know how that word looks, and there's a high probability I'd never looked it up myself. And yet...
BOO!
...I opened up utub in the afternoon and what do I see in my "suggested videos"? You guessed it,
"Arizona Women with Natalie Westling and Molly Bair". If you still need a better idea of what it is, copy that title into the utub search bar and watch the video. It was uploaded on March, 8th, so it's obviously about women and their place in modern age. The specific theme that is intertwined within, is ET mythology and "New Age" people. So that hits the spot with 100% accuracy to what I was tuning in on purpose for last few months. What makes it a strange coincedence, though, is that it popped at this time. Not just a month, a week, a day - no, it struck with a deadly preciseness of HOURS. It came from that very same channel where I saw MØ's music video "Walk This Way", not from any other source possible. At some point, I was surprised I haven't seen any owls that time. Wait, I did. Hence the screenshot up there in the beginning.
THE END OF STORY
So I spoke it out. Again, like I said a lot of times before, it's a very personal experience - to stumble upon those coincedences and to FEEL that they are connected not in a way that is casually causal. More than this, when I put it down "on paper", it just apparently loses certain power it had even for me. How could I expect someone could relate to what I'm desperately trying to express? I can talk, and talk, and talk, and talk, and talk about certain events occured in my life and they won't make much sense. Most of the people I know would just go with: "ah, come on. Just forget it, you're thinking too much about it!" - and, yeah, I DO think too much about it, and I hate that. There's just no way for me to cut that out and dismiss it for good.
And, as usual, I'm a very open-minded person (sometimes it's not all that good, turned out) so I know there's a dozen of ways to fit those coincidental moments. There are termins that science folks bring about like Apophenia, and it works. Of course, utub suggestions function is tied to my view history, and tags, and hasty clicks. "Arizona" and "A+" (if you still remember where I brought "A+" up) come from USA, which is certainly a common thing for the 90s "New Russia". /*Our grade marks still remained the same though; we did not change our education system all that match. By the way, my mark for English was "5" which would be "A". Just sayin'.*/ There's a whole science field with a f@#load of research, but from what I've seen... Those scienceheads don't make much progress to put that down in their "scientific way". Maybe one day, with more and more technologies and researches, yeah. Yet I would think they're still hunting the wrong tail. It's not about how we describe and document a phenomenon, but how to place that phenomenon in the right place of our vision of the world. And how do we decide what's right or wrong in this matter?
Since the ancient age, there's a lot of controversy about "soul", "fate", other murky materia, but basically - about the reality itself. What's funny is how we approach this new field of "virtual reality", where people design those virtual environments (be that VR-device based videogames or some kind of 3D sex sim), so it potentially goes even trickier with each day. Murky waters get murkier. And that's the core idea I had in my mind to work out in my "comic book". I started to draw the first page of that "book" yesterday. I hate the way I draw (goofy, unrealistic and cheap drawings), and I hate that I am slow with it, but I want to do it. "Don't let your dreams be dreams" and so on. Maybe I'll even finish the first page. Here I'd like to swoop away for a time. Cya!
...Or not? F@#k...
...a bit more thoughts /*argh, why cannot I STFU myself already?!*/
So, here's another lil comment on Arizona state. It's somehow natural with all that UFO mythology that comes with the package, and it was clearly there (already before it got in my sights). And, I guess, it was there even b4 those cities were founded. Still... I can't help but call it weird. I checked back on hidden experience site, once again, and checked the post from February 18, 2014 called "update from a coffee shop in Sedona". It does have got two rather interesting photographs, as well as this caption: "I'm writing about owls in a coffee shop in Sedona. After I ate my scandinavian almond cake, this is what I found on my plate.", and there's an image of an owl.
Strangely enough, I haven't seen any real owls again so far. Well - HEY! - isn't that obvious? I don't move my ass around, so how the f*** would I be able to see them in my room? Next day this happens right in my room, they'll put me into an asylum cell. One way or another, owl figure still plays a big role in all this weirdness. Whether a "keeper" totem being, or shamanic kind of "guide", or else, owls were and, I'm assuming, still are, at present, big time mythological creatures. They are used for this purpose in ancient greek mythology, in native american culture, and... ugh... that it? Guess not. Now, there are debates about mythology we have at the present time, and Mike often reffers to Christopher Knowles and how he was asked about modern day mythology in an interview /*that was in one of the podcasts that I was listening to while playing the game in February, I think*/. Oddly enough, I noticed that MØ's debut album title is "No mythologies to follow".
I can really sit here until the sun goes down and keep adding some bits and pieces, like that yesterday, I was thinking to phone my friend, and he just woke me up this morning with a phone call. In addition, this very same day, another dude who I haven't spoken to for a long time, called me (said he moved to my neighbourhood). And I don't often receive phonecalls at all. That mean anything? Guess not. For a summary: each and every one of us makes his/her/its own road through various events of different types, makes contact with different people, and shapes the way oneself perceives the world around. I can certainly agree with that. But why is that sometimes it doesn't fit into the "paradigm"? Seems "out of the place"? What if we are trained to be fit in upper chest, but skipped the leg day? /*wtf am I talking about?...*/
Either I'm going crazy, or the whole world is insane. Those are not my words, it's a quote from a movie "Left Behind". I learned that from "Welcome to the Basement".
Update
There are only a few photographs that remained where I wear one of those "suits" I was talking about in the beginning. However, it appears I still had that orange one up until I turned 10 y.o. And you can't clearly see where it says "Arizona", but it's there. There are also other words and symbols that I did not remember:
Since I ain't got a fancy scanner, I just photographed those old photographs. I also got some of my old little notebooks back from my childhood. Haven't found that A+ "fandom" yet, but I know I had it somewhere. I also stumbled upon some early stage additcion to Darth Vader figure.
I have no idea what those numbers and letters meant, it makes zero meaning to me as of now. Except for that little "code decipher" page, where I assign letters to specific names. I wasn't familiar with how to spell names properly, it appears. John Check, Sirena and "Djak Fimor" appear to be my own fictional characters, while Harry Henderson is something more widespread.
So that's about it. I did not expect this to be this big (I mean the post), but, turns out, it just had to happen. Also, I contacted Mike C tonight via the e-mail and bought his book about an hour ago. I wanna read it before I finally get to sleep. I also recieved that game called "HELLDIVERS" as a gift on Steam, which surprised me. Well, I think it's time to get some rest. Been up for about 16 hours. And the last nap I had was about 6 hours long. My eyes are about to pop out, and the headache is getting stronger.
Cheers!
