Hey there.
Tonight I'd like to do what I usually do here. I mean, less crazy stories and more self-inflicted pain. Sort of.
...went to the Hermitage with brother. It's been a good day except for the... evening of that very same day. So, I had to be very angry for little to none reason. I do not admire the way I behave. It was but another reminder of my own "decompression". It's almost three months since I lost my job. I almost burned down the volume of money the employer paid me as a compensation, which means, I'm practically a bankrupt.
Now, here's that other guy, who is one of my best friends. He got back from army in December (right about the same time I've lost my job), and now he works in a local supermarket. He's a nice man, who lives with his girlfriend, has a car to move around the city (and further), has - well, almost has - a diploma, and he's generally a good fellow.
Of course, it's not always a good idea to compare yourself to someone, but that's what we do everytime /*...am I not right about this?*/. In addition, instead of giving me an impulse to get somewhere myself, and, at the very least, get a job, I just have another reason to ashame myself, and sit my ass here. "Social conditioning" isn't necessarily a bad thing, after all. We're not fooling anyone here: we are living in a synthetic system, that requires us to do something in return for money (and, in most cases, it's not all that pleasant). If you are saying that you are far too superior to the system, you get out of it. But a blood cell won't turn into something autonomous out of the blood vessel /*do I actually understand what I'm saying?*/.
So, back to the header. That little trip to the museum made me wonder: we, as we are living now on this planet, somewhat value the culture our ancestors left for us, right? We have those (sacred, in the past) sarcophagus-es, vases, sculptures, paintings, etc etc etc. We store it, we look at it, we think of how "their" life looked like. Are we different from our ancestors? Don't rush up the answer. Of course, we now have these "badass" techologies and we are still developing /*I hope so*/ more beatiful things, but what if... we're not moving further in means of ... life?
Who knows if there, let's say, in ancient Egypt, wasn't a guy like me, who would just sit somewhere, doing practically nothing but complaining? Now, it's clear that our societies differentiate a lot, right? We certainly don't have "high priests" around here, nor slaves, nor warmongers, nor discrimination, nor hunger, nor destruction, nor despair. What if we keep those relics from ancient times and yet - ourselves - stay the same level, that fits those stone tombs and wooden houses? or even caves?
I can't sleep well. I mean, I could sleep 18 hours straight, while other folks around work their S off, but does that count? I'm not doing any progress. And, f**k, I hate to state that, over, over, and OVER again. You know, I could've read a ton of books, or write one myself /*that would be hard to read though*/, or improve my language skill, or whatever else - anything! Why? Why I cannot overcome myself?!... I am so tired. It's quite the same message that keeps poping up, like s**t in a village toilet. Something doesn't work well in me. I possess no will to "improv". I just play games. And watch movies sometimes. And consume. And that is all I do. Oh, I also write pointless notes about myself. Ding!
And, speaking of movies, it's "Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice" time pretty soon. I hope to see it with brother and excuse for my infamous spectacle in the evening. I should be sleeping now to be fresh by the daylight, but... I'm stuck here. And right at the moment I type these, Kooname went online on tweetzch, so I better get going. Quite obsessed with MGO glitches and bad matchmaing, want to see what those guys have to say.
And here's the closing line: Forgive me.
Tonight I'd like to do what I usually do here. I mean, less crazy stories and more self-inflicted pain. Sort of.
Yesterday
...went to the Hermitage with brother. It's been a good day except for the... evening of that very same day. So, I had to be very angry for little to none reason. I do not admire the way I behave. It was but another reminder of my own "decompression". It's almost three months since I lost my job. I almost burned down the volume of money the employer paid me as a compensation, which means, I'm practically a bankrupt.
Now, here's that other guy, who is one of my best friends. He got back from army in December (right about the same time I've lost my job), and now he works in a local supermarket. He's a nice man, who lives with his girlfriend, has a car to move around the city (and further), has - well, almost has - a diploma, and he's generally a good fellow.
Of course, it's not always a good idea to compare yourself to someone, but that's what we do everytime /*...am I not right about this?*/. In addition, instead of giving me an impulse to get somewhere myself, and, at the very least, get a job, I just have another reason to ashame myself, and sit my ass here. "Social conditioning" isn't necessarily a bad thing, after all. We're not fooling anyone here: we are living in a synthetic system, that requires us to do something in return for money (and, in most cases, it's not all that pleasant). If you are saying that you are far too superior to the system, you get out of it. But a blood cell won't turn into something autonomous out of the blood vessel /*do I actually understand what I'm saying?*/.
So, back to the header. That little trip to the museum made me wonder: we, as we are living now on this planet, somewhat value the culture our ancestors left for us, right? We have those (sacred, in the past) sarcophagus-es, vases, sculptures, paintings, etc etc etc. We store it, we look at it, we think of how "their" life looked like. Are we different from our ancestors? Don't rush up the answer. Of course, we now have these "badass" techologies and we are still developing /*I hope so*/ more beatiful things, but what if... we're not moving further in means of ... life?
Who knows if there, let's say, in ancient Egypt, wasn't a guy like me, who would just sit somewhere, doing practically nothing but complaining? Now, it's clear that our societies differentiate a lot, right? We certainly don't have "high priests" around here, nor slaves, nor warmongers, nor discrimination, nor hunger, nor destruction, nor despair. What if we keep those relics from ancient times and yet - ourselves - stay the same level, that fits those stone tombs and wooden houses? or even caves?
Tonight
I can't sleep well. I mean, I could sleep 18 hours straight, while other folks around work their S off, but does that count? I'm not doing any progress. And, f**k, I hate to state that, over, over, and OVER again. You know, I could've read a ton of books, or write one myself /*that would be hard to read though*/, or improve my language skill, or whatever else - anything! Why? Why I cannot overcome myself?!... I am so tired. It's quite the same message that keeps poping up, like s**t in a village toilet. Something doesn't work well in me. I possess no will to "improv". I just play games. And watch movies sometimes. And consume. And that is all I do. Oh, I also write pointless notes about myself. Ding!
And, speaking of movies, it's "Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice" time pretty soon. I hope to see it with brother and excuse for my infamous spectacle in the evening. I should be sleeping now to be fresh by the daylight, but... I'm stuck here. And right at the moment I type these, Kooname went online on tweetzch, so I better get going. Quite obsessed with MGO glitches and bad matchmaing, want to see what those guys have to say.
And here's the closing line: Forgive me.
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