Low risks and low rewards

Hi.

I was at work when the mechanical monster arm broke down and we had to cancel
the cutting for robot maintenance. So I hopped into my phone and went to Instagram.
Long story short, I've found myself on some random girl's page (at least, it was designed as such).
It has no other posts than pictures with black and white texts, all filled with depression
and suicidal thoughts. Tried to contact her, she(?) actually did respond and maybe even
truly said "thank you" for my small comment about "not giving up". Still can't decide
to think if it was a fake or real.

...But that's not what I was going to post.

I live a life free of high risks. You know, I never been that guy who comes back home
after midnight and eventually gets in beating with some mobs on the streets.
I never did any extreme sports or anything. Never even broke a bone.
I was raised with a rather "correct" mindset of not hurting myself for no reason,
and that's what I like. However, sometimes I wish I was more... impulsive.
Otherwise I often feel like I am a coward.

I sometimes risk my life without noticing it, though. Like, when I go across a street
and don't look around for any cars approaching. Could've been taken out with a smash
quite a few times. Oh, well. Thing is, it's not only about your... umm... physical life.
I don't do anything extreme with my soul, if you could put it in words like that.
Usually I just stuck in my "comfort zone" and never try to break out to reach
something that worths the effort.

Expectations and where they lead you

As your life goes further, you learn to expect things. You learn to
take note of how it could turn out before trying to do something.
Almost like if you could predict events (don't fool yourself, you can't).
It's not a bad thing after all, but it has a major negative side-effect.
With each failure you have experienced whilst trying to accomplish something,
you learn that it's "not for you", and eventually you give up. Not all the time,
but also quite often. And there you lose it. You lose your chance.
Not because you can't do something, but because your brain expects
you would fail it.

And that is what happens to me. Everytime I want to make something
"big", I try it, I fail it, and next time I don't even try because I decided
in my imagination that I would fail again. Too bad.

This is why you stick to easy things

Something easy can't frustrate you this much if you fail it.
And it's... well, it's easy to get successful with easy things
rather than hard things. "Hard things"... seriously? I should
read more books, I'm starting to lose it.

What I was trying to say, is that most of the time I choose
an easy way of living rather than challenging, and it's not
something I wished to live like. I need to change my way
of perceiving in order to change my way of living.
So I can take higher rewards from this miserable life, even if this
requires higher risks.

Hope you understood. Cause I didn't. A long time.